16/02/12 Depression, Blackhall Gaels & My Black Dog

Today was a very productive day. It is always a relief after I talk to my Doctor. This time however I will not have to wait another month to see him as I am due back in two weeks so that alone was good news. I do not want to talk too much about what we chat about for the time I am with him as I think some things should remain private…. maybe at a later date when I am looking back on all this and talking how I beat it, please God. I will tell you that I was very apprehensive this morning because I was worried if nothing came of my meeting, where would I go from there. But it went well, I am now on a higher dosage of medication, hence the reason for my return in two weeks, to monitor my progress. Also the torture last night and this morning as I had run out of tablets, aww I was in the horrors. Thankfully that has all been sorted now and I can look forward with hope. He told me to try, however tough it may be, to get out and about and back to work. Even if it is just a short walk or visit a friend or go to the cinema. Do something that makes me feel good. So I have to take this on board, I cannot continue to sit in, playing the computer, by the fire. And the main thing has to be NO alcohol, that is the one thing I will have to be hard on myself about. Alcohol in itself is a depressant and even though I have known all along how bad it is, especially for me, I have been unable to cut it out completely.
So the way I am thinking now is that even though Sunday past I made a big breakthrough by going to the pub without any dramas and enjoying the time with my friends, that will be it for me. A nice way to finish on it. Go out on a high so to speak. And at least I enjoyed it with my closest friends and I got home safe. I will still socialise with them but I know now that the tablets will not work with  the alcohol, it is defeating the issue and that if I ever want to get better this is one major sacrafice I must make. Note to self.. Stay at it this time Robert! Some of the worst things that have happened me over the past few years have happened whilst I was under the influence. And I have many regrets but luckily people stuck by me. And I intend to repay them. I might as well talk about some of them bad times before I move on and put this subject to bed. Before I do though I would just like to say I never considered myself an alcoholic or never physically abused anyone because of alcohol (maybe I did on a football pitch but that was without any drink onboard!!) but do know that alcohol was and will always be bad for me. We don’t agree.
Alcohol And Me:

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